A *REAL* Day in the Life of a Stay-At-Home-Mom: As told by Instagram, Facebook, and #hashtags

I love sharing pictures of my adventures and of my kids being cute on Instagram and Facebook. It normally goes something like this:

#adorable #blessed #lifeisgood

Yesterday I posted some #reallife pics (a.k.a. not just the happy, cute stuff) on Instagram, and I was inspired to share with you the full (glamorous) story of my day at home with the boys. This is the real deal. #uncensored

Yesterday was special, you see! Normally I am spoiled because my parents live in our guest house and help out with the kids a ton! I was extra spoiled the last five weeks because our 17 year-old niece stayed with us to help out after baby #2 was born. <I’ve only been a mom of two for 7 weeks now!> But our niece left yesterday, my parents are on vacation, and my hubby was at work today. Meaning it was my first day at home #bymyself with the kiddos. #noproblem #bringiton

8:00 am (Yes, I am lucky because I sometimes get to sleep in after waking to nurse Baby 6 times during the night)

This is the scene that greeted me in the morning. The playroom didn’t get cleaned up last night, #becauselife. No problem; slathered on some essential oils and drank some #coffee to fuel up for the day. #feelingoptimistic

[I will leave out the boring usual stuff from the timeline, such as nursing the baby every 1-2 hours, changing diapers #allthetime, cleaning up spit-up, Baby taking 15 minute mini-naps throughout the day, and feeding my toddler #alldaylong.]

9:00 am

Folding laundry with my #littlehelpers. Awww so cute… quickly devolved into Toddler jumping all over the couch and throwing around the laundry I had just folded. #timeoutnumber1 #becauseiwarnedyou

9:30 am

Still folding laundry. Toddler is watching tv while snuggling baby brother. #adorable. Until Toddler suddenly jumps onto Baby Brother and smooshes him with his body. #timeoutnumber2 #itsonly930am #ineedmorecoffee #isitnaptimeyet

Note to self: Gotta watch that kid like a hawk.

10:00 am

Discovered this scene in Toddler’s room while putting away laundry. #whyme [Note: still haven’t picked up these books! Why, when they’ll be back like this by tomorrow anyway?!! #igiveup.]

10:30 am

Checked emails and drank my cold coffee. Ate yogurt for breakfast. #yum. More laundry into the washer. Because kids are dirty little things.

11:00 am

Played a game I like to call “Mommy scavenger hunt.” It goes like this: Mommy walks into a room. Finds something that does not belong there. Takes it to its proper place in another room.  Looks around that room for something that does not belong. Removes that something to a new room… and on and on. In my house I can play for hours! #blessed. You get bonus points if you play while wearing your fussy baby in a sling. And it’s extra fun when your toddler follows you around depositing new objects throughout the house. When toddler participates, you can #playallday!

12:00 pm

Play time. Puzzles. Books. More puzzles. More books. Trucks. Tried to show Toddler that cleaning up all the toys in the play room is fun. He’s skeptical.

1:00 pm

Toddler remembered that my niece (his play pal) left yesterday. Commence sad face and whining. Face-timed Niece at Toddler’s request. Toddler promptly walked away. #toocool

Flashback to when my niece was here! (Isn’t she a doll?)

1:30 pm

I hear Toddler’s muffled voice crying for help. Discovered that Toddler has locked himself in his bedroom. Although he locked the door, he can’t figure out how to unlock it. #facepalm. Can’t find that weird little key that opens the doors. Toddler is freaking out. Baby is crying in the other room.Tried bobby pin. Doesn’t work. Called hubby. He doesn’t seem worried. Baby is still crying. #cantmakethisstuffup

Called my Dad for help. Tried removing door handle with screw driver. Doesn’t work. Baby is still crying. Toddler has now discovered his “iPod” (my old iPhone) in his room and doesn’t care that he’s trapped and alone. I hear baby YouTube videos playing in the background. #technology

1:45 pm

Finally found the key that opens the doors! Can’t get it to work. iPhone flashlight to the rescue. Finally got the door unlocked and Toddler is free. He doesn’t care. #likenothinghappened #iPodzombie

Note to self: remove the door knobs from all the doors in the house.

2:00 pm

“The sweet little 2 year old who is really putting his mama to work today! God makes them so cute so that we can’t help but smile and realize how much we love them, even when they’re making life difficult. I love being his mom. And now that he’s sleeping, I can clean up some of the messes he’s made today :)”

#precious

2:30 pm

Laid on the couch watching #realhousewives and eating #nutella out of the jar.

FOOLED YOU! That’s what you think stay-at-home moms do every day…. Not today! #backtowork.

Cleaned the playroom.

“Playroom is now clean! My 2 year old Picasso decided to add to the décor with his crayons… on every surface (walls, furniture, chalkboard). I spent 30 minutes in here with my good friend #magiceraser and now everything’s good as new.”

Note to self: hide the crayons. Also, people really only want to see pretty pictures on Instagram. Duly noted.

Played Mommy scavenger hunt again. Because it’s so fun.

3:30 pm

This happened.

3:45 pm

Found this “recommended post” in my facebook feed (while nursing baby of course):

OMG. Facebook is stalking my Instagram…. #bigbrotheriswatching.

4:00 pm

Stood over sink shoveling watermelon into my mouth. I forgot to eat lunch (again).

Finally doing the dishes that started piling up last night, #becauselife. Listened to uplifting music on Pandora to make it less boring. Decided to write this blog post. #inspired.

5:00 pm

Scrolling facebook while nursing, and discovered this gem!

#imnotalone #hallelujah #miserylovescompany

Side note: Our toddlers were born 4 days apart! And they are eerily similar. #troublemakers

5:30 pm

Realized that I forgot to plan ahead for dinner. I guess it’s a #frozenpizza kind of night. Because, you know, that’s what frozen pizza is for. #dayslikethis

Note to self: Buy food.

6:30 pm

Toddler wakes up. Commence “Daniel Tiger” watching while eating random pantry food, so Mommy can work on this blog post. #freebabysitting. Realized that clean laundry has been sitting in the washer since 11:00 am.

If you are a parent of a toddler, I know EXACTLY what is going through your head while looking at this picture. Daniel Tiger jingles. Because I know your life. And those songs can never be forgotten. Ever.

Toddler approaches me with a can of black beans. “Mama, black bean eat.” Ok, I tell him, in one minute. Toddler drops the can of beans on my foot.

Note to self: Lock the pantry.

7:00 pm

Hubby is home from work! #salvation

Hubby asks what’s for dinner. #crickets

7:30 pm

Ate pizza while walking in circles around the house wearing Baby in the sling. #lunchanddinner #notallowedtositdown

8:00 pm

Discovered a poopy cloth diaper that’s been sitting in the bathroom since 11:00 am. #oops

QOTD from hubby: “Babe, clean his eyelashes. . . . He’s got boogers in his eyelashes.” #momlife

9:00 pm 

Red wine. Because kids.

Realized there is laundry in the dryer that needs to be folded. #itneverends #wrinkles

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Yesterday was a #mommyfail, but the good news is, most days aren’t like this! They’re just kinda like this. (At least the kids are alive!)

Today’s agenda: Meal planning, grocery shopping, more laundry (#endless), and, most importantly, playing with my wonderful boys!

I hope you enjoyed this sarcastic (but true) glimpse into my life. I truly adore being a stay-at-home-mom. (If you don’t believe me, check out this post about leaving my career to stay home with my son.)

Also: feel free to share this post with your teenage daughters. #birthcontrol

Now I want to hear from you! Comment below with your favorite funny parenthood stories! Don’t leave me hanging. . . .